53 | The Competitive Heart I Didn't Know I Had - My Journey from Envy to Freedom

For years, I congratulated other Christian authors on their success. But then I'd close my laptop and feel this weird heaviness in my chest. Why them and not me?

I didn't recognize it for what it was: a competitive heart quietly poisoning my calling.

In this vulnerable episode, I'm sharing a season of my journey I don't talk about often—when God exposed the scarcity mindset I'd imported from the publishing industry straight into my faith. When I realized I was competing for a spot in His Kingdom that was already mine. And when He finally showed me what abundance actually looks like.

If you've ever felt that same heaviness when another author succeeds, if you've caught yourself comparing instead of celebrating—this one's for you. Because there's a way out.

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Transcript

You know, for years I thought I was fine with other Christian authors success.

I'd congratulate them, share their posts, even leave reviews.

But then I'd close my laptop and feel this weird heaviness in my chest.

Why them and not me?

What are they doing that I'm not?

Maybe if I just worked harder,

I didn't recognize it for what it was.

A competitive heart quietly poisoning my calling.

And here's what made it worse.

I'm a Christian author. I'm supposed to be above petty jealousy, right?

I'm supposed to celebrate others and mean it.

So I buried those feelings, told myself they weren't there.

Kept performing the part of a supportive author while secretly keeping score.

Until God exposed what was really happening in my heart. And friend. That exposure, it wrecked me. But it also set me free.

So in this episode, I'm taking you into a season of my journey that I don't talk about often.

The season when I realized my heart was competing for a spot in God's kingdom that was already mine.

When I discovered that the scarcity mindset I picked up from the publishing industry had infiltrated my faith.

And when God finally showed me what abundance actually looks like.

Because here's what I've learned. You can't build the kingdom while secretly competing for the throne.

And if you've ever felt the same heaviness when another author succeeds,

if you've ever caught yourself comparing instead of celebrating,

if you've ever wondered why their breakthrough makes your heart ache instead of rejoice,

this one's for you. Because I've been there. And there's a way out.

This is episode 53.

I'm Urcelia Teixeira, ex real estate agent turned award winning Christian fiction author.

When I wrote my first novel on a bucket list whim, I had no idea it would spark a spiritual journey that would redefine my calling.

But you know what, friend? Self publishing wasn't easy. I got caught in the hustle, chasing rankings and sales while desperately trying to stay rooted in Christ.

Now, by God's grace, I'm building my author business his way. And now he's called me to help you do the same.

Welcome to the Anointed Scribe podcast where faith meets business for Christian writers. Let's write, publish and grow our author business go God's way. Are you ready? Well then, let's get started.

Hey, it's your author friend, Urcelia. And welcome back to Anointed Scribe,

the podcast where we are learning to build author businesses that thrive spiritually and practically if you're new here, welcome friend. Grab your coffee and settle in because today's episode is a bit more personal than usual,

I'm going to share something I'm not particularly proud of, but something I think needs to be said.

Because I've realized that a lot of Christian authors are struggling with the same thing I struggled with.

And like me, they don't even realize it's a problem.

So let me take you back a few years.

I was in a season where I was working hard on my author business, writing, consistently,

launching books, doing all the marketing things,

and outwardly, I was supporting other Christian authors. I'd share their posts, congratulate them on launches,

engage with their content.

But privately, there was something else happening.

When another Christian author in my genre hit a best seller list,

I'd feel this weird knot in my stomach when someone posted about their book deal or their sales numbers. I'd scroll past quickly because looking at it too long made me feel less than when others shared what worked for them.

I'd keep my cards close to my chest.

And here's the thing.

I didn't think I was jealous. I genuinely thought I was happy for them.

But then I'd sit down to write and find myself thinking, what do they have that I don't?

Why is God blessing their books and not mine?

Maybe if I just tried their strategy.

And suddenly my writing wasn't about my calling anymore.

It was about catching up,

about proving I was just as worthy,

about earning a success that looked like theirs.

I didn't realize it at the time,

but I had imported the publishing industry's scarcity mindset straight into my faith.

I was viewing other Christian authors as competition for limited shelter,

space,

limited reader attention,

limited success,

and worse.

I was viewing their success as evidence that I was falling behind in God's favor.

Friend, can I be honest? That mentality nearly destroyed my joy in writing.

Because when you're constantly measuring yourself against someone else's chapter 20 while you're still on chapter one,

you'll never feel like you're enough.

But here's what broke through for me.

I was reading Nehemiah chapter 3 one morning. Honestly, I'd probably skipped over it a hundred times before because it's just this long list of names and who repaired what section of the wall.

Boring, right?

But this particular morning, something clicked.

Each family rebuilt their section.

Not the whole wall, just their part.

The goldsmiths did their section, the perfume makers did theirs. The rulers. Each took responsibility for the part nearest their home.

And here's the light Bulb moment,

nobody was competing.

Nobody was comparing their section to someone else's.

They were just faithfully building what was assigned to them, trusting that the wall couldn't be complete until everyone finished their part.

And I realised in this moment,

I've been trying to build someone else's section instead of my own.

I'd been so focused on what other authors were doing, so consumed with comparing my progress to theirs, that I'd completely lost sight of what God actually called me to build.

That was the moment I had to get really honest with God and with myself.

I had a competitive heart,

and I didn't even know it was there. I thought I was just driven, just ambitious,

just wanting to do well for the Lord. But the truth was,

I was operating from scarcity instead of abundance,

from fear instead of peace,

from comparison instead of calling. And that competitive heart,

it wasn't just affecting me,

it was affecting the whole body of Christ.

Because here's what I've come to understand.

When we view other Christian authors as competition,

we make three critical mistakes that don't just hurt us personally,

they actually damage the advancement of the gospel through literature.

And friend,

when this truth dropped into my spirit, my heart literally ached.

Because the last thing I ever wanted was to sabotage the gospel.

But that's exactly what a competitive heart does.

And if you're in this place right now, if what I'm saying is hitting a little too close to home,

I want to share the three mistakes I was making.

Because, friend, chances are you are making them too, without even realizing it. And I know you don't want to sabotage God's work either.

So prepare your heart, because these might be hard to hear. They were hard for me to admit.

But recognizing them is the first step to freedom and where transformation begins.

Okay, so the first mistake is I isolated instead of collaborated.

I kept my strategies to myself. I didn't share what was working.

I built walls around my knowledge because somewhere deep down,

I was afraid that if I helped someone else succeed,

it would somehow cost me my own success.

I see this in Facebook groups all the time now. Authors play their cards close to their chests, only sharing a little bit, as if they're protecting some sort of secret recipe.

Right?

And I get it, because I was that author.

But here's what God showed me.

Every time I hoarded knowledge out of fear, out of insecurity,

I was multiplying inefficiency across the kingdom.

What if the marketing strategy that took me two years to figure out could shortcut another author's journey by 18 months?

What if the hard lesson I learned could save someone else from that same costly mistake?

So here's the truth. When I isolated,

I wasn't just protecting myself.

I was withholding resources that could advance the gospel faster.

And here's the beautiful thing that happened for me personally,

this podcast you're listening to right now.

I could have never been obedient to God's call to start it had I not been set free from this stronghold.

Second mistake I secretly celebrated when others struggled.

Now, I know that sounds terrible, and I would have never admitted it out loud back then because I considered myself too spiritual for that, right?

But be honest with me. Be honest with yourself. Have you ever seen another Christian author's book launch flop and felt just a tiny bit of relief,

like, okay, at least I'm not the only one struggling?

Or worse.

Have you ever hoped someone else's book wouldn't do as well as yours because their success somehow makes your lack of success more painful?

Maybe it's the tiniest bit of satisfaction that brings you relief.

That was me.

And see,

you might be shaking your head right now, as I did back then, but let me caution you to really pay attention to your heart the next time you're in a situation like this, because it's such a subtle emotion that sneaks into our hearts that we barely notice it unless you look for it.

And it took God exposing that ugly truth before I could deal with it.

Because here's what I finally understood When I secretly celebrated another author's failure,

I was actually celebrating a setback for the kingdom I was cheering for. Fewer lives changed.

Fewer hearts reached,

fewer souls. Encountering Jesus through story.

That's not the heart of God, is it?

And it's definitely not the heart he was calling me to have.

Okay, the third mistake I duplicated instead of complimented.

I spent so much time watching what other successful authors were doing that I started writing what they were writing.

Same topics, same style, same same approach,

same social media posts.

I was following trends instead of following the Holy Spirit.

And here's what's wild.

When we're truly walking in step with the Holy Spirit,

he reveals strategic information.

He shows us the gaps.

He directs us to the readers who need our specific message.

But once again, I was operating out of fear instead of peace.

I was duplicating what was popular instead of creating what was needed.

Because I'd forgotten that God had my back no matter what.

So here's where my transformation started.

God began to show me what collaboration actually looks like in his economy.

And it's completely different from the world's version.

So let me share the framework he taught me, the one that finally set me free from that competitive heart.

The first principle is collaborate from overflow, not obligation.

For the longest time, I thought if I wasn't helping everyone,

I was being selfish.

But that's not biblical. That's codependency.

God showed me you can't pour from an empty cup.

But when you're walking in your anointing, when you're operating in your strengths,

there's a natural overflow. And that overflow is meant to be shared.

Think about the feeding of the 5,000.

Jesus took what was available,

blessed it, and it multiplied as it was distributed.

So I started asking myself, where am I operating in strength right now?

What has God taught me through hard experience?

What do I know that could genuinely help another Christian authority or a Christian reader?

That's my overflow, and I can share it generously without depleting myself.

The second principle is collaborate with intention,

not impulsivity.

I used to say yes to every collaboration opportunity because I felt obligated.

But here's what I learned. Not every collaboration opportunity is an opportunity from God.

Now, before I commit to anything, I ask three questions.

Does this align with the season God has me in right now?

Is this mutual or one sided?

Does this expand the kingdom or just expand platforms?

God gave me a specific assignment. And saying yes to every collaborative opportunity is actually saying no to what God called me to do.

Third principle, celebrate publicly,

collaborate privately.

This one transformed my heart more than anything else. I started intentionally celebrating other Christian authors publicly sharing their wins, promoting their books, leaving genuine reviews.

And you know what happened?

The more I celebrated others, the less comparison had power over me.

My heart started shifting from scarcity to to abundance.

But the deep collaboration, the strategies, the behind the scenes support that happens privately in smaller trusted circles with authors who are running the same race and committed to the same kingdom values.

Now, let me give you something practical because I know some of you are realizing right now that you might have a competitive heart too.

And you need more than just theory. You need actual steps to deal with it, right?

So here's what I want to encourage you to do this week.

Step one,

identify three Christian authors in your genre who are approximately at your level peers running a similar race.

Step two, spend 15 minutes researching each of them and not from a competitive angle.

Read their bios. Look at their bios. Better yet, read their books. Understand their message and their mission.

Then find one specific genuine way to serve each of them. This week without expecting anything in return.

A thoughtful review,

sharing their content. A private message of encouragement.

The keywords are genuine and without expecting payback.

Don't do this as manipulation to further yourself or your own platform.

Do it as an act of kingdom minded generosity.

Then step four track what happens over the next 90 days. Not what they do for you,

but what happens in your own heart.

Does celebrating others get easier? Does comparison lose its grip? Do you start seeing opportunities you would have missed before? Pay attention to those small things.

This isn't about building your network.

It's about retraining your heart to operate in abundance instead of scarcity.

And here's what I discovered the moment I stopped viewing other Christian authors as threats and started seeing them as teammates, everything shifted.

I stopped wasting energy on envy and started investing it in excellence. I stopped comparing my chapter one to someone else's. Chapter 22.

I stopped hoarding knowledge and started freely sharing what God taught me.

And my author business didn't shrink.

It expanded.

Not because I focused more on myself,

but because I focused more on kingdom advancement.

Seek ye first the kingdom of God right now. Let me leave you with this verse. Ecclesiastes 4. 9 says two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.

Collaboration multiplies effectiveness.

It multiplies reach. It multiplies impact.

Friend, the Christian author next to you is not your competition.

They are your co laborer.

They are building the section of the wall right beside yours.

And the wall isn't complete until both of you finish your part.

So find those three Christian authors this week and bless them. Not to get something back. Remember,

not to network,

but because we're on the same team, building the same kingdom,

building the same wall, serving the same king.

And watch what God does when you start operating in his economy instead of the world's.

I'll be honest,

this journey from competition to collaboration.

It's ongoing.

Some days I still catch myself slipping into comparison.

But now I recognize it for what it is and I bring it back to God before it roots in my heart.

Because I've tasted the freedom of abundance. And friend,

I don't ever want to go back to the prison of scarlet scarcity that brings fear and lack of peace.

And friend, if you're sitting there thinking I want this transformation too.

I want freedom from this competitive heart.

I want to walk in step with God. I want joy back in my writing. I want breakthrough and to step into abundance and all that God wants for me as a Christian writer.

Then friend,

God has laid something on my heart Specifically for you,

I'm working on a way to walk you through the exact areas of transformation God walked me through.

The ones that completely shifted my entire author business.

Right now I'm creating a way to share this with you. So I'm not quite ready to announce it yet, but if you want priority access when doors open,

head to the Revive to Thrive link in the episode description.

Because this is going to not only transform and elevate your entire author business,

but also bring you into a deeper place with our creator. I want that breakthrough for you. I want that success for you. I want you to be free to write what you want because you're in step with the Holy Spirit.

I want all of this for you because for such a time as this,

God has called you to to write for Him. God has called you to send books out into the world and to build the kingdom. God has called you to do this work.

Friend. Before I let you go, I want you to use the send me a message link in the show notes and let me know where you need God to show up for you today so I can pray for you.

It's 100% anonymous. I can't see your name or your email or your phone number. I can't even reply to you I.

But I can read your request and I can pray for you. So I encourage you to use this feature to send me a private message to let me know what you are struggling with right now so we can come together and take this to the Lord in prayer.

And if you found today's episode helpful, please consider subscribing and leaving a review.

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Oh and if you want more tips outside of the show, sign up to my monthly 5 minute manna emails. The link is in the show notes. Okay, so that's it for today's show.

Thank you for listening. And remember, for such a time as this,

you have been called to thrive as God's anointed scribe.